Judgment

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Judgment, one thing that all of us fear. I really thought that coming to Gallaudet that judgment I had at home would lessen. Maybe there would not be so much judgment or people looking down on me. I figured this much because we are all well the majority of us are Deaf/Hard of Hearing, only differences is our backgrounds which drew us all into coming to Gallaudet.

As I have mentioned before I have a disease within my body that affects my ability to walk. I really am stubborn and walk more than I should, I know that my friends know that. Thanks to them they force me to use my wheelchair when I think it is not neccessary but really it is. I had a “strike” last semester in late October. Where I woke up and lost the ability to move my leg. Over time I have learned how to again. A month ago I finally could pick the whole thing up. The only problem is all the work i do to keep “normal” may not be worth it because I do not know when the “strike” could happen again. Or possibly how bad it could be or long it could last.

Anyhow being at Gallaudet I use my chair when I am in a lot of pain or my leg is being lousy. Off campus I use the chair period whatever i do today will affect my tomorrow. Going on I posted this blog because I realize how much people at Gallaudet really judge me. I understand many do not know exactly what I am going through but time and time again i get the rude looks, or the look downs I have been able to shrug them off, I dealt with worse at home.

Today though was different, such a negative offense that put this fire inside of me, the fire I have not felt in a few years when I blamed my parents for my deafness and the suffering I was going through. Coming upstairs with my roommate from doing laundry we walked into our dorm lobby and a student who is always there likes to judge people as I would say. This time was different her friend was there My roommate caught the conversation she tells her friend “see that girl in the pink, (friend looks over) that girl is half wheelchair and half walking whats up with that”. I do not like when people have that kind of attitude, why cant they just confront me? Instead I went up to her asking whats up with that if she has a problem and she shrugged me away. I thought wow that really makes you the bigger person. Talk about someone but could not even look me in the eye. Especially being here at Gallaudet I really thought people would have a better understanding here. Thought I could be accepted more. Just because I look so healthy on the outside does not mean anything about how i feel inside. Really I am not that strong of a girl on the inside there is so much pain and suffering in there. So much misunderstanding. I wish people would see the real me sometimes. Im not so sure what to do anymore. I wish I could say something magical and make everyone BAM understand others. Sad thing is I don’t really understand myself. I can be really stubborn but when I need the help and I ask for it, I feel I don’t deserve it.

Ending this with a positive note, when my strike happened Gallaudet was nice enough I was moved to Carlin. An ADA dorm, they also put ADA on my ID so when I Scan it to go into places the doors open for me :). And if anyone has ideas or comments let me know :))

Smiles[Picture showing smiles do not mean everything]

Until next time Tiffany.

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2 Responses to “Judgment”

  1. guwatson Says:

    You’re strong person despite what you think & feel like.. I love seeing you around at Gallaudet walking when you could and using wheelchair when you knew it’s too much strain. Keep standing up for yourself, people have no idea what you’re going through.. They will eventually learn. Cannot wait to see you in GSR class 😉

  2. gutiffany Says:

    thanks ❤ ❤ ❤

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